Most of the women who eventually call me have been thinking about calling for months. Some for years.
They tell me afterward that the session itself was fine. Easier than expected, usually. It was the phone that was hard.
If that is where you are, and the thing holding you in place is simply not knowing what you would be walking into, let me take that unknown off the table.
It starts with fifteen minutes, and it costs nothing
Before any first session, I offer a complimentary fifteen-minute phone consultation. That is not a screening, and it is not a sales call. It is a conversation.
You tell me, in whatever order it comes out, roughly what is going on. I ask a few questions. I tell you honestly whether I think I am the right fit, and if I am not, I will say so and point you somewhere better.
You do not have to be articulate. You do not need to have your situation organized into a coherent narrative. "I don't really know how to explain it, things just feel off" is a completely acceptable opening, and it is a more common one than you would guess.
Nothing is decided on that call. You can hang up and think about it for three weeks. Some women do.
What the first full session is actually like
The first session is a conversation, not an interview.
We will cover some practical ground early: confidentiality and its limits, scheduling, fees, how I work. I want you to know the terms of the space before you start using it.
Then I mostly want to hear from you. What brought you here now, as opposed to last year. What the last several months have looked like. Who is in your life. What you have already tried, because most women have tried a great deal before they ever reach a therapist.
You are not obligated to start at the beginning of your life. You can start wherever the pressure is.
Toward the end I usually offer some initial reflection about what I am hearing, and we talk about what working together might look like. Not a rigid plan. A direction.
You do not have to be certain. You only have to be curious enough to make one call.
Things women worry about, honestly answered
"Will I have to cry?" No. Some women do and some do not, and neither means the session went well or badly. You set the pace.
"Are you going to tell me to leave my husband?" No. Deciding what happens in your relationships is your work, not mine. My role is to help you see clearly enough to decide well.
"Is my problem big enough?" This is probably the most common one, and my answer has not changed in twenty-five years. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Some of the most productive work I do is with women who are functioning well and want their lives to fit them better.
"Will you think I'm complaining?" No. And I would gently note that if you are worried about being a burden in a room that exists specifically for you, that instinct is probably worth looking at together.
"How long does this take?" It depends on what you are working on and what you want. Some women come for a defined stretch during a transition. Others stay longer because the work keeps opening up. We will talk about it openly, and you are never locked in.
What to bring, and what not to
Bring nothing. Truly.
You do not need to prepare notes, though you are welcome to if writing helps you think. You do not need to have identified the real issue in advance. Quite often what a woman names in session one is not what the work turns out to be about, and that is not a failure of preparation. It is how this goes.
If we are meeting by telehealth, all you need is a private space and a reliable connection. I see clients throughout California this way, and it works well.
On fit, which matters more than credentials
Research on therapy outcomes keeps pointing at the same thing: the relationship between client and therapist is one of the strongest predictors of whether the work helps.
Which means you are allowed to be discerning. If after a session or two something does not feel right, say so. A good therapist will not be wounded by that, and I would rather help you find the right person than have you quietly stop coming and conclude that therapy does not work.
The first step is a conversation, not a commitment
You do not have to be certain. You do not have to be ready. You just have to be curious enough to make one call that lasts a quarter of an hour.
Whatever you have been carrying, you have carried it long enough on your own.
This article is for reflection and education and isn't a substitute for individual therapy. If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, free and confidential, 24/7) or call 911.
